Dear Jonah

Tonight we watched some old youtube videos that Dad posted a few years ago.  You were a basically a baby, only one year old in a few of them, and the oldest clip was posted when you were barely five years old.  At one point when we were watching for the third time a Mother's Day video from 2011 that we sent to both Grandma Hill and Grandma Harris, you said you didn't want to watch it again and you went upstairs in tears.  I followed you up because I was so confused as to why watching this old video made you upset... especially since we'd already watched it twice before.  You refused to tell me despite my gentle pleas.  I convinced you to come down so we could watch one more that you hadn't seen yet. You were fine until I mentioned how fun it was to see you at three years old talking about your "cow-cow" blanket, and then your lip started quivering and I knew I had touched that place in your heart that was aching - even though I was still unsure what, exactly, you were feeling.

After that, at bedtime, we snugged and read in my bed but I wanted to make sure you were alright and I also wanted to make sure I knew why you were upset.  When I asked if you wanted to talk about what made you sad, you just started to cry again and then when I asked if you just missed being so little,  you nodded your head with tears streaming down your face.  That was it: you simply missed being that little boy who said and did funny things, who played with toys that have long since been packed away in the attic, whose voice was so different, so small, whose face was cherubically round and whose eyes had not yet decided on a final color.  I was not surprised to learn this, as you are my only child who deeply cherishes what surrounds you in your seven year old world.  You often talk about your possessions with thoughts of the future.  You tell me that I can't send things to the thrift store because you want to have them for your little boys (you don't want daughters right now...that may change).  You talk about the future and how you want to give your children these same experiences that you have had as a child. Nothing, absolutely nothing means more to me than knowing that your life thus far has been filled with so much joy that your heart aches to see the past as you watch your own self growing up.

I love you so very much Jonah and I promise you that there will be more times in your life when you are able to look back and miss what is gone to the world of memories...a sure sign of a life well lived.

Here you are at 4 years old: